I recently saw a post on Facebook of a guy sitting at his desk with the caption “When your mother requests a pic of you at work so she can have a ‘proud mom moment’.” And I thought, “God. I hope my mother is never proud to see me sitting in a cubicle.” Which is harsh, I know, and it’s great for him that his career is going somewhere, but it made me realize how I can never let myself succumb to a certain life style.
Being confined in any sort of way freaks me out. Sitting in a box would do it. Having a guy tell me we were getting married after two years of dating would do it. Working hours that I do not choose would do it. It doesn’t take too much for me to say ‘no thanks’ and keep moving.
"How can you respect that sort of weakness, how can you admire a human who consciously embraces the bland, the mediocre, and the safe rather than risk the suffering that disappointments can bring?
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Should you fail to pilot your own ship, don’t be surprised at what inappropriate port you find yourself docked."
I wake up- hopefully past 7- I can’t stand it when I wake up any earlier. My sleeping mask dangles across my face and is half tangled in my hair. Hence the end to my slumber- my body refuses to let me sleep when the smallest light beam touches the wall. And I’m up. One final stretch, growl, and I use the power of momentum to swiftly roll out of bed.
Each day starts the same. Check my emails, race to the bathroom, wash my face, start the coffee, listen to Andy McKee, Melody Gardot and Rising Appalachia while grabbing the 30 ingredients to my massive breakfast. When this flow is interrupted, I feel something is off in the world. If I’m out of almond milk, shit might hit the fan; I take my first meal seriously. It leads to my next four hours worth of mass productivity. I also dance and stretch every morning, which is hard to do on an empty stomach. Breakfast is life.
Anyways, we get that I have my customs and therefore stick to a pattern that I know works for me. But oddly enough, it is this feeling of dishevel that motivates me. I long for the days I don’t know where or what my next breakfast will be like. Dumplings in the middle of rural China would be ideal, or chocolate croissants on Rue de Stassart lovely enough. The fact of the matter is, I won’t be stuck behind three gray walls eating a Yoplait. I have a certain freedom that if taken from me, would bring such an upset I would probably become some frantic lunatic, heavily breathing and pacing the hallways.
I have learned a few things in my little life. One is to not take things so seriously. After I graduated, I worked in Brussels for a woman who belittled her sweet and endearing employees at every opportunity. She paid them (not me) well, so maybe it was worth their ongoing hell, but nothing, especially a paycheck, should get in the way of one’s happiness. After leaving that office, a weight lifted from my shoulders and took all the stress with it. Jobs are important, but sometimes you have to go without one to figure out where you really want to be in life. I certainly figured out what I don't want: hearing the swift footsteps of Bowser coming to my door.
Most of my life has been figuring out what I don't want and sort of checking off the list, "okay, not quite for me, now lets try this..."
Moving on. I learned that stagnation is death. Not to be dramatic, but the more I move about, the more I see, experience, learn, feel, love and uh- live. A good energy flow is exciting and refreshing. This is also why I choose to dance or do some sort of yoga every day. Physical exercise is key to a healthy body and enables me to take on adventure after adventure. I’ll be damned if I can’t hike Volcanoes because I’m too out of breath or my thighs burn. Movement is youth.
Third, we need to simplify life and stop with complicating each day. My life is never in order, but it is never totally out of order either. I’ve noticed that most of my friends are settling down and making roots in one place. Their homes are filled with Ikea and diamond rings are being fixed to fingers all over this country. Great, awesome, fantastic. If that’s what you want. I don’t, not yet. Sorry I’m not sorry, but what I want is this cute Spaniard to keep buying me whiskeys; I want to leave town next week to explore rainforests without having to consult anyone; I want no consequences of hurt feelings, missing deadlines or prior commitments (why I don't have a dog...yet).
People have asked me a number of times how I am able just to go places. Well I simply do. I don’t have a kid, animals, 40-hour-week job that needs my constant supervision. I write on the go, take photos and live on very little. I don’t own a car or house and my dresser isn’t filled with fine jewelry. It is filled, however, with postcards and travel gear so I am ready to depart when the tickets are right. My kitchen isn’t overloaded either. I buy simple, fresh foods when I know exactly what I need for the next few days. I don’t waste food or throw it out. It gets eaten or taken on a trip. I don’t splurge on drinks either (teas are an exception because I have to have my daily detox). I have a few bottles of wine because I work for that wine, literally. I pitch in at a local winery when I have time and walk away with a few nice bottles for special occasions or gifts. In my room you will find a mattress, clothes and a map. Crazy right.
Living simply is a huge part of my life. I believe that as cultural beings we feel the need to fill our lives with stuff. But that’s just it- stuff. It’s plastic; it’s fake; it’s shit. We don’t need it and most of us don’t realize we don’t want it either. Would you rather a $2000 hot tub or $200 road trip to hot springs? Surely both are great, but only one puts me in a state of awe.
Living this life of a gypsy isn't easy and it can be stressful. I am not constantly floating about avoiding responsibility (but try it once, it’s great). I will bust ass and save up as much money as possible, whether writing, editing, farming, babysitting, anything! Then I say okay, I earned it. There’s a time to save up and a time to spend. So I’m going to spend that time being happy, in, say, Thailand? I don’t see why not.
After much deliberation, 2016 holds different cards for me, though I will get to Asia soon, mark my words. I was extremely close to spending a few months learning to cook pad thai and arts of a mean massage; I am instead headed South. I think that while traveling and living this lifestyle, it is crucial to be learning something and giving back along the way. So I have joined a sailing crew and I will be taking on the Caribbean for the next few months- rough right? The pros are obvious: great views, constantly on the move, new people, new food, great opportunities to explore reefs, forests and beaches… the list goes on. The cons: possible seasickness, being trapped on a boat with a crew you don’t like, long hours sailing, night watch, no doctor on the horizon, big sharks (this is actually a pro for me)… and this list goes on as well.
However, I think I’m prepared. I won’t be making money, but I’ll be learning a trade. I don't want one profession, I want them all. I will have free room and board and only need to buy food for the days we don’t reach land. Again, I don’t over consume things, so eating small meals is not so much of a challenge. Though it will be hard to dance and get some yoga in when waves are screwing with my equilibrium. A morning ritual I’m willing to suspend for a while- ah the sacrifices!
I am not worried about going broke (been there plenty and have managed) or having nothing to return to when I come back stateside. Certainly I can find more writing jobs, more organic farms that need tending, more sticky children who need wiping. My next five years don’t need outlined goals with how I’m going to succeed in any certain area. I need to be selfish and keep the pursuit alive. It is the happiness of this pursuit that drives me. Everything else will come together when it needs to. Rushing life is not in anyone’s favor. Substituting plastic panels for the barks of Redwoods is not on my list of priorities and I certainly hope I can continue this game of jumping rivers to avoid the office and church isle for some time to come.
But if all fails and I do succumb to being boxed somewhere- lock your doors and stay clear of the halls. This lunatic will be making a break for it sooner or later and taking someone with me.
"That wondrous journey that had erected a towered city on the scrubby plane of her brain and spoiled her for a life of normal, sedentary wifehood for all time.
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Salvation is for the feeble, that’s what I think. I don’t want salvation, I want life, all of life, the miserable as well as the superb.
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If the earth needs night as well as day, wouldn’t it follow that the soul requires endarkenment to balance enlightenment?"
